PD Fun Fiction

It was a dark, snowy night in the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. In the dacha, Comrade Monke was praying the rosary. After he finished his prayer to the Blessed Virgin Mary, he kissed his domestic canary, whose name was Lelos, goodnight and went to sleep. He was woken up by a phone call the next morning. It was the “chief:” -”Comrade Monke, get your ass off your bed and come here immediately!” -”Ok ok!” Monke cleaned his domestic canary’s cage, changed its water and put some food for it, and left. He walked all the way to his car and drove to the Kremlin, where the office of the “chief” was located. He entered the building and greeted Miss Anastasia. He entered the office and the “chief” greeted him. -”Welcome, Comrade!” -”What’s the emergency?” -”Listen Monke. Yesterday, we located and caught a traitor, a mole, who was trying to escape.” -”And? Just follow the standard procedure to get him to confess. What do you need me for?” -”He asked to be interrogated specifically by you.”...

Dear Vladimir, you asked me to write a short letter to you, summarizing what I think about my former boss, Comrade Monke, and whether I agree with the western powers that characterize him as a “dictator.” I hope what I wrote will satisfy you: Chernenko is dead! Now, the procedure had been made clear to all citizens of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics: The Politburo, which had members from all around the Soviet Union, would gather, and a new General Secretary would be elected. And that’s what happened. In 1985, after Konstantin Chernenko died, having only led the party and thus the USSR for 13 months, the politburo gathered. The answer was clear, right? Mikhail Gorbachev was the favorite. However, to the surprise of everyone, the 58 year old former Soviet Secret agent, SMERSH operative, superspy, devout Christian and anthropomorphic monkey Comrade Monke was elected to the position of the General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. Now, he had but one task: Not ...