Dialogue with Comrade Monke



Captain Battle woke up in the basement, tied to a chair. He tried to break the rope but couldn’t. Suddenly the room lit up. A mysterious primate entered. It was SMERSH leader Comrade Monke. The previous night, Captain Battle had attempted to break into the SMERSH Headquarters to steal some plans that were prepared by Comrade Monke involving weakening of the western states.
Captain Battle was knocked out however, and now he ended up tied in a basement. And there he was, the Warlord of SMERSH standing right in front him. However, he wasn’t the vile, ruthless individual Battle had imagined him to be. “Captain Battle! Don’t you know you can never outsmart mother Russia?” Monke said, and ordered the guards to untie Battle.


“Why are you freeing me?” Battle asked. “We, the soviets, Captain, are not the murderers your old and very very dead friend the Spy Smasher made us out to be.” Monke and Battle sat in the base’s lounge room. “Why are you treating me, a sworn enemy of yours, so nicely?” Battle asked, as he was confused with Monke’s behavior.


“Me? I’m a Catholic, and Christ teaches us to love our enemies” Monke said. “You’re a catholic and a communist at the same time?” Battle asked. “Aye! I’m an advocate of Liberation Theology” Monke answered back. “Monke, since I've had the displeasure of being in your presence, i’ve gotta ask you: Why are you doing this? Why side with the commies over the free world of the west?” Battle asked.


“Freedom?” Monke said and smirked. “What do you define as freedom, Captain? Is it freedom when in the US, workers are exploited by the businesses they work at? When they are unsure whether they will have work tomorrow?” Monke asked Battle. “At least in America they can speak freely, here they will end up in a labor camp,” Battle said.


“We, the Soviets, define freedom differently than you Americans do. A world without capitalist exploitation, without pain, without fascists walking around spreading hate in the name of freedom of speech. That’s true freedom for us, Captain!” Monke said.


Battle then took out a grenade he was hiding and threw it in the room, blowing it up and setting it on fire. Monke did not expect this but he immediately reacted by taking out his gun. Battle stole a gun from a guard and a gunfight broke out between them. Battle ran away. Even tho he could kill Monke if he wanted to, something inside him told him not to do it. He had gained a newly-found respect for Monke and his philosophy, and Monke also gained respect for Battle, even if they were enemies.


The room of the headquarters was eventually repaired. Monke went back to his Dacha, awaiting his next adventure.



Comrade Monke will return!

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