PD Fun Fiction

Once upon a time, there was a country which spanned Europe and Asia. Its name was the Soviet Union. And in it lived a great protector of it, someone who instilled happiness and a sense of safety in the hearts of its citizens and fear and dread in the enemies of it. A primate. His name was Comrade Monke. Now, the Soviet Union had a leader, the general secretary. He owned an aviary inside his residence, the Kremlin, and he took great care of it. It was full of many different birds, but one stood out: The golden canary. It was the most fascinating bird anyone could see in their lifetimes. No one knew its origin exactly, but many legends had been told about it, including a popular one that it had sailed with pirates and was over 1800 years old, that it was once a human cursed by a witch, and many more. One night, unknown to the general secretary, the canary was stolen. When the leader found out about it, he became depressed, and sadness filled his heart. So he wasted no time, and quickly s...

She walked inside the restaurant and made her way over to the kitchen. She placed her hand on the white wall, pushed against it, and a piece was pushed inside like a button. The wall split in half and opened, revealing a large staircase downwards. She entered and the wall behind her closed. She walked downstairs and made a turn left. She moved in a straight line and then turned right until she reached a large dark room. She saw a mysterious figure sitting there. She sat down. -What may I do for you, lady? Said the figure. -Patriarch, I need your help. The “patriarch” turned on the light on his desk. What this light revealed shocked her and made her feel disturbed and scared: A primate sitting there. He was dressed in a red suit and was smoking. On his desk, a stand for parrots with a budgie parrot on it. A beautiful white-and-blue female named Pepi or Pepita. The desk also had other things on it: A Bible, a crucifix, statues of the Virgin Mary and Jesus, as well as a picture of Camilo ...

He woke up at around 7:00 AM. Not even his budgie parrot, a beautiful white and blue female named Pepi or Pepita, had woken up yet. Comrade Monke got out of bed and went to the bathroom. After that, he went back to his room, prayed a “Hail Mary,” and got dressed. He went outside. The grocery store was just a couple of blocks away. After 15 minutes of walking, he finally saw it. He walked towards it, got inside and bought some strawberries -his favorite- and then went outside again. As he started walking home, he noticed someone following him. He knew something was up, he started running and turned left towards an alley. The mysterious man followed him and as Monke was running, the man pulled out a gun. He fired at Monke four times, and two of the bullets hit Monke. He fell on the ground and so did the fruit he had bought. Monke was bleeding out. The assassin disappeared. The nearby residents who heard the gunshots went to check what’s going on. Monke was taken to a hospital. Miss Anast...

Comrade Monke entered the hospital. He looked around. Only a few people were there. Monke saw a doctor coming out of the room, and he asked him how his friend was. The response he got was not what he had hoped for. Monke tried to enter but was stopped by the doctor and nurse. -You can’t enter, sir. Monke got upset. -Do you have any idea who I am, boy? -No sir. But you can’t enter. Monke then reached for his pocket and grabbed his gun. He aimed it at the doctor: -Let me see my friend, or you’re gonna need to be admitted to this hospital just like him. The doctor was scared now. -Ok, but, only for a few minutes. -Now, was that so hard? Monke hid the gun again and went inside. What he saw made tears rain down his clothes. His friend was in an almost vegetative state. He could speak and see, but he was completely unable to move. And he could not remember much at all. However, when he saw Monke, he immediately remembered him. -Comrade Monke… Monke walked right up to him. -Ilya, my friend. ...

Comrade Monke entered the room. It was full of mannequins and women. They were all so beautiful! Monke made his way down the stairs and found Maria. She was the only other survivor of Ilya Ivanov’s experiment to create a monkey soviet superwarrior. Monke approached her from behind. -Guess who?! Maria turned around and she saw him, dressed in a nice Hawaiian shirt and jeans. -Comrade! They hugged and then walked towards the mirror. -Look at you, so beautiful! Said Monke. Then they entered the building: A bunch of men dressed in black suits and black sunglasses. They were armed with shotguns and uzis. The men walked downstairs and found them. She screamed in fear. -Who are you? Asked Monke. -Them that you’re gonna have to pay, if you don’t want your girlfriend’s face to look like she got into a fight with the local butcher! Monke was about to reach for his gun, a Nagant M1895 revolver, when one of them fired a shot towards the ceiling. Maria then started crying. -Where’s our money lady?...

“I have many names. My name is Gwynplaine, or Long John Silver, or Oscar Jones, or Van Helsing, but you can call me, Comrade Monke…” And it was with those words he revealed his identity to his prisoner. -”What do you want from me?” -”To keep your mouth shut about what you’ve seen here. And if you don’t, well, you know what happens to the enemies of SMERSH!” -”I promise you, I won’t speak to anyone, now please, let me go” -”Comrade Monke always keeps his promises. LET JOHN GO!” The guards slowly approached and started untying him. When he was free, however, he took out a knife and sliced the throats of the two guards open. Then he tried to look for Monke, but Monke was… gone. However, he then saw a strange man standing in the corner. -”Hello? Who are you?” -”Relax! My name’s Constantine!” -”What are you doing here?” -”I am also a prisoner of Monke, and I finally managed to get out of my cell.” -”Well, let’s get going then!” They started running and made their way over at the armory. Jo...