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Perseus Sterling

25 August 1758 I have been pressured by my wife and children to write a memoir of my adventure from years ago. I must now therefore travel to a simpler time, when I was a captain of a small transport ship. I remember us sailing through a terrible storm. We must have lost about 3 men while going through that disaster! We were trying to escape, and there was no escape: Our ship was launched towards an island, and was crushed into a rock. Nobody except me survived. I passed out. When I woke up, I was tied to a tree. I was sure I would die of starvation, but then I saw them appearing one by one behind a large rock: Four men, all dressed with terrible, ripped clothes. Could they be…? But no. I thought there was no way they were… I can’t even say the word. However when they approached me and started talking, I was certain: These men… they were… PIRATES! They approached me and untied me. They then escorted me, at the point of the sword, to their leader. I shall never call him captain, for t...
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From the Files of the American Government: Comrade Monke

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NAME: Comrade Monke EYE COLOR: Orange SPECIES: Primate TYPE: Unknown (possibly black crested macaque) WANTED FOR: Armed robbery, protection racketeering, espionage, terrorism, murder, weapon smuggling, gold smuggling, leading a criminal organization, identity fraud, impersonation DESCRIPTION: Not much is known about the very early life of the mysterious yet prominent Rasputin-like Christian mystic figure and Marxist-Leninist archterrorist Comrade Monke. He was probably born during the Russian revolution, making him about 108 or 109 years old. According to various witnesses and testimonies, he committed his first crime at about 16 years old. It was espionage. He had apparently given Western military secrets to the Soviet Union, after buying them from the Mafia. He also worked for the Mafia, did jail time and possibly even became a Made Man. After that, he travelled around the world. However, it was during his time in the Vatican that he converted to Catholicism. After traveling to Lati...
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Scarmonkey

Writer's note: Originally, while writing this, there was no intent to frame the short story as a fictional historian's essay. But as I kept writing, I increasingly realized this wouldn't work otherwise. Then the idea of making it a fictional essay from a fictional historian came up in my mind, and I just had to do it. So anyways, enjoy! This is the short essay of a historian who wishes to remain anonymous, regarding Comrade Monke’s rise to power: In about 1946, lived the Russian Comrade Monke, destined to become the world’s most powerful and most intelligent primate. He was always dressed in a red coat with white pants. He also wore an Ushanka with the Soviet hammer and sickle on it. He had a large scar on his face, which resulted in the nickname "SCARMONKEY." Also, he owned a pet budgerigar, named Pepi or Pepita. Born on September 19 of an unknown year, and after fighting for the bolsheviks during the Russian Civil War and for the Soviets during World War 2, or t...
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Comrade Monke and the Golden Canary

Once upon a time, there was a country which spanned Europe and Asia. Its name was the Soviet Union. And in it lived a great protector of it, someone who instilled happiness and a sense of safety in the hearts of its citizens and fear and dread in the enemies of it. A primate. His name was Comrade Monke. Now, the Soviet Union had a leader, the general secretary. He owned an aviary inside his residence, the Kremlin, and he took great care of it. It was full of many different birds, but one stood out: The golden canary. It was the most fascinating bird anyone could see in their lifetimes. No one knew its origin exactly, but many legends had been told about it, including a popular one that it had sailed with pirates and was over 1800 years old, that it was once a human cursed by a witch, and many more. One night, unknown to the general secretary, the canary was stolen. When the leader found out about it, he became depressed, and sadness filled his heart. So he wasted no time, and quickly s...
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The Patriarch

She walked inside the restaurant and made her way over to the kitchen. She placed her hand on the white wall, pushed against it, and a piece was pushed inside like a button. The wall split in half and opened, revealing a large staircase downwards. She entered and the wall behind her closed. She walked downstairs and made a turn left. She moved in a straight line and then turned right until she reached a large dark room. She saw a mysterious figure sitting there. She sat down. -What may I do for you, lady? Said the figure. -Patriarch, I need your help. The “patriarch” turned on the light on his desk. What this light revealed shocked her and made her feel disturbed and scared: A primate sitting there. He was dressed in a red suit and was smoking. On his desk, a stand for parrots with a budgie parrot on it. A beautiful white-and-blue female named Pepi or Pepita. The desk also had other things on it: A Bible, a crucifix, statues of the Virgin Mary and Jesus, as well as a picture of Camilo ...
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The Attempt on Monke's Life

He woke up at around 7:00 AM. Not even his budgie parrot, a beautiful white and blue female named Pepi or Pepita, had woken up yet. Comrade Monke got out of bed and went to the bathroom. After that, he went back to his room, prayed a “Hail Mary,” and got dressed. He went outside. The grocery store was just a couple of blocks away. After 15 minutes of walking, he finally saw it. He walked towards it, got inside and bought some strawberries -his favorite- and then went outside again. As he started walking home, he noticed someone following him. He knew something was up, he started running and turned left towards an alley. The mysterious man followed him and as Monke was running, the man pulled out a gun. He fired at Monke four times, and two of the bullets hit Monke. He fell on the ground and so did the fruit he had bought. Monke was bleeding out. The assassin disappeared. The nearby residents who heard the gunshots went to check what’s going on. Monke was taken to a hospital. Miss Anast...
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Comrade Monke and Ilya

Comrade Monke entered the hospital. He looked around. Only a few people were there. Monke saw a doctor coming out of the room, and he asked him how his friend was. The response he got was not what he had hoped for. Monke tried to enter but was stopped by the doctor and nurse. -You can’t enter, sir. Monke got upset. -Do you have any idea who I am, boy? -No sir. But you can’t enter. Monke then reached for his pocket and grabbed his gun. He aimed it at the doctor: -Let me see my friend, or you’re gonna need to be admitted to this hospital just like him. The doctor was scared now. -Ok, but, only for a few minutes. -Now, was that so hard? Monke hid the gun again and went inside. What he saw made tears rain down his clothes. His friend was in an almost vegetative state. He could speak and see, but he was completely unable to move. And he could not remember much at all. However, when he saw Monke, he immediately remembered him. -Comrade Monke… Monke walked right up to him. -Ilya, my friend. ...
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