From the Files of the American Government: Comrade Monke



NAME: Comrade Monke


EYE COLOR: Orange


SPECIES: Primate


TYPE: Unknown (possibly black crested macaque)


WANTED FOR: Armed robbery, protection racketeering, espionage, terrorism, murder, weapon smuggling, gold smuggling, leading a criminal organization, identity fraud, impersonation


DESCRIPTION: Not much is known about the very early life of the mysterious yet prominent Rasputin-like Christian mystic figure and Marxist-Leninist archterrorist Comrade Monke. He was probably born during the Russian revolution, making him about 108 or 109 years old. According to various witnesses and testimonies, he committed his first crime at about 16 years old. It was espionage. He had apparently given Western military secrets to the Soviet Union, after buying them from the Mafia. He also worked for the Mafia, did jail time and possibly even became a Made Man.


After that, he travelled around the world. However, it was during his time in the Vatican that he converted to Catholicism. After traveling to Latin America, he came in touch with folk expressions of the religion, and delved into Christian mysticism. He travelled around the continent, healing people and acting as a doctor, both physically and spiritually.


After returning to the Soviet Union, Monke became a committed Marxist-Leninist, without abandoning his religion. During that time, he met with Hewlett Johnson and various other Christian supporters of the USSR. It was there that he started combining his religion and ideology, resulting in a brand new spiritual-political movement.
When World War II arrived and the Eastern Front started, Monke was one of the first to sign up for the Soviet red army. He fought actively against the Nazis, and what he did is still classified by the Russians.


After World War II, he began traveling again. At some point, he became the leader of a criminal organization which robbed banks (although he also robbed banks independently of any criminal organization), smuggled gold and weapons, and supplied weapons to far-left guerilla groups and some far-left governments, as well as supplying fake IDs to criminals and other people. The organization also was involved in protection racketeering.


Nowadays, Comrade Monke still hasn’t been arrested. He is rumored to be living in a mansion in the woods, with his favorite white-and-blue budgie parrot, a female named Pepita or Pepi. There are also some supposed witnesses that claim that Comrade Monke has a home altar, conducting prayers and various mystical devotions and practices.


In addition to all this, there are many sources that verify that Monke can shapeshift, making his arrest all the more unlikely…

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