Return of Comrade Monke

The moon appeared as the light transitioned into the night slowly. Another day had come to an end. It was cold in Soviet Russia. But despite the freezing temperatures, there was an odd peace around. The Red Army had just finished marching, and the soldiers were returning home.


One of the soldiers, however, started walking towards a restaurant. It was called “Karl Marx’s,” in honor of the communist theorist and writer of the Communist Manifesto. It served some of the best borscht in Moscow. The soldier knocked three times and the doors opened. He walked to the kitchen and entered it.


He pushed against the wall and it split in half, revealing a staircase and a dark environment. He wasn’t scared at all. He walked down the staircase as if he knew nothing bad would happen to him.


He kept walking and walking, until he came across a large gate made of steel. A machine attached to the wall scanned him and the gate opened. He walked through it. Voices started being heard:



-”We have invested heavily, in the Middle East. Our operations are being pulled off successfully. Soon, comrades, no one will be able to stop SMERSH!”


The soldier walked in the room and sat down. He who was seated on the chair talked to him:


-”Why so late, comrade?”


-”I’m sorry sir.”


-”You’re forgiven, but don’t be late, again…”


He who was seated on the chair was none other than Comrade Monke. Always petting his characteristic white persian cat, dressed in a costume and wearing expensive italian loafers, and with a Christian rosary necklace around his neck, as he was a devout Christian, Monke was the western world’s largest fear.


His organization, SMERSH, had orchestrated a number of communist revolutions throughout the world. Many people, including his most loyal comrades, always asked him: “But how can you be both a devout Christian and a committed communist, comrade? Aren’t those two antithetical to each other?”


Yet he would always answer them: “Christ’s mission in this world was to liberate humanity from slavery, and that’s what He did. He liberated them from the slavery of sin. And us, comrades, continue His work: for we liberate them from material slavery! Soon the entire world will bow to our organization!”


Monke continued talking to his comrades.

After he had finished, Monke got up and with the cat in his hug went to his apartments to relax. He slept till the morning and when he got up he noticed something was… off.


Something was wrong. Suddenly he heard the window break. He quickly called his bodyguards and they came as quickly as possible. He said to them:


-”Quickly! Take the cat and put it in a safe place. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him!”


The bodyguards listened to him and got out of there. Monke opened the drawer of his desk and took his Makarov pistol in his right hand. It wasn’t long before he became surrounded by 11 men. All of them were armed to the teeth. One of them shouted:


-”You either die or you’re coming with us!”


Monke agreed.


They covered his eyes, put him on a helicopter and took him to an unknown location. When they arrived, they uncovered his eyes and he witnessed a dark room. They made him sit on a chair and they tied him.


When the lights opened, it revealed a terrifying site, a disgusting person: It was former Cuban dictator Batista, who had been overthrown by Fidel Castro and his revolutionaries. Monke spit at him, knowing what crimes Fulgencio had committed against his people.


Batista became angry and slapped him. He then started talking to him:


-”Comrade Monke… You filthy commie bastard, you’ll die soon enough! You and your comrades will pay for what they did to me!”


Batista then left the room and closed the door, he pressed a button, which opened the vents and started releasing toxic gas in the room. Monke managed to break free of the ropes that they had tied him to the chair with using a knife he had hidden in his pants. It was so small that they didn’t find it when searching him for weapons.


He cut the ropes, got up and went to the door, but it was made of metal and was locked. He then started thinking and eventually shouted to Batista who was on the other side waiting for Monke to perish:


-”If you keep me alive, you will have someone on the inside of the USSR, the center of communism. A spy to help you and give you information. But if you kill me, forget about revenge…”


Batista heard him and, tempted by Monke’s proposition, closed the vents by pressing the button and opened the door.

As they were walking to Batista’s office, Monke pulled out the knife again and stabbed the guards. He then made a run for it, killing dozens of guards before reaching the armory and getting back his Makarov pistol. He then left and reached the helicopter, by which he escaped.


As Batista watched him escape, he shouted:


-”Damn you, Comrade Monke!”


Monke returned to the USSR, where he started planning with his comrades how to take down Batista…


The end… for now…