On the Vatican's Secret Service!

He entered the Transylvanian castle. Romania was now under communism, and he was convinced the horrors of it were just a bourgeois invention. But when he saw a terrifying shadow of a disgusting figure on the wall, he was convinced it wasn’t a mere legend.


He tried to run away but he didn’t manage it, he was grabbed and pulled into the shadows, ending his life.


This was the third victim who entered the castle and didn’t return. Not only the communist authorities, but also the Vatican was becoming increasingly concerned about the horrors of this castle. Could he be back? After all this time?



Comrade Monke, the famous anthropomorphic primate and Soviet agent, was sleeping peacefully in his dacha when a phone call woke him up. It was the “Chief” of the Soviet Secret Service. Monke was ordered to be there in 2 hours. Monke got up, prayed a rosary as he was a devout catholic, despite being in a majority Orthodox country, got dressed, fed his pet bird and left.


He went outside and entered his car. He drove all the way to the offices of the secret service. When he entered the room, he was welcomed by Miss Anastasia and he greeted her back. He then entered the office of the Chief.


-”What’s up, Chief?”


-”Tovarisch! Thank God you’re here!”


-”What’s happening?”


-”Comrade Monke, you know, this you being Catholic thing might not be such a problem for the Party after all…”


-”Really? What made you reach that conclusion, Chief? You’ve always been, you know, not the biggest fan of my devotion to Catholicism…”


-”The Vatican called!”


-”The Vatican?”


-”Aye! They want you to go there. They said it’s an emergency…”


Comrade Monke wasted no time. He booked a flight to Rome and travelled there. When he arrived, he took a cab and was taken outside the Vatican. He paid the Taxi driver, and entered the small city-state.


Monke went to St. Peter’s Basilica. When he entered, he was greeted by the Cardinals, who explained the situation to him:

Count Dracula was probably back. He was likely hiding in that mysterious castle, waiting for another victim…


Monke was given a rosary blessed by the Pope especially for this situation. Monke then left for Romania.


When he arrived in Romania he entered the castle while wearing the rosary. He was knocked unconscious shortly after entering.


When he woke up, he was tied to a bed. Using his super strength, he broke the chains and went to the main door. But just as he was about to open it and escape, the Count appeared behind him.


-”Comrade Monke…”


Monke was in shock, but he turned around and saw him.


-”Count Dracula…”


-”Fancy seeing you here. The time and timeline-traveling soviet agent, the anthropomorphic primate who uses that watch-like alien device to travel to different periods… The committed communist who is also a devout Catholic… sort of like a Catholic Bolshevik… I must say, I am impressed!


-”And what about you, you mighty Count? You were defeated by a stake in the heart. I am going to defeat you even more easily than that!”


Monke and Count Dracula charged at each other, but the Count quickly backed away when he felt the rosary coming closer to him. He ordered his servants to grab Monke, which they did. However Monke pushed them away and shot them dead with his Makarov pistol.


Monke then took the rosary in his hands and showed it to Dracula, which caused the count to weaken.


-”In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, be vanished to hell, you demon!”


The Count then caught on fire, being burned alive.


-”I will return Monke, I will return!”


The castle then started lighting up, the candles reignited, and there was peace…


Monke was awarded one medal by the Vatican, one by the Communist state of Romania, and one by the USSR for managing to defeat Dracula.


And so Monke returned to his dacha, fed his pet bird, prayed a rosary using the rosary blessed by the pope, and fell asleep on his bed, awaiting his next mission…


The end.